Teresa Fannin, reader, writer, gardener, chocolate fan & tea drinker

Category: Musing (Page 2 of 31)

TIME

About twelve years ago, on a trip to New York City, we snagged a weekend at the Waldorf Astoria, the Park Avenue well maintained, older, yet elegant hotel in midtown Manhattan East. I don’t remember much of the weekend but I do remember the scrambled eggs I had at Sunday morning breakfast.

Listed on the menu as Vermont Cheddar Scrambled Eggs, they came in a small black kettle pot surrounded by toast points and bacon.  They were a wondrous  pale yellow, fluffy, just, and I mean just, this side of done. With the subtle flavor of the cheese, each bite melted in my mouth. I ate slowly, savored every mouthful, trying to decide whether it was appropriate to make a run for the kitchen and promise my first born grandchild for the recipe.  My darling husband’s glance told me I would never make it out of the chair. The eggs, tho, made it so tempting to try.

I have thought about those eggs often over the years and wished I had tried.

Created by Rex Stout, Nero Wolf, the gourmand of ginormous proportions who along side his clever and intellectual style of crime solving and cultivating orchids,  ate. The books are full of food discussions, but in one story Wolf, making eggs for Archie, I believe Fritz was on ‘assignment,’ waxed quite philosophical about how to cook scrambled eggs. For Nero, it took at least forty minutes, on a pre-warmed pan kept at low heat to make sure the eggs cooked but did not fry.

Laura Hillenbrand, in her book SEABISCUIT writes of the race between Seabiscuit and War Admiral, a length of one and three-sixteenth miles. Seabiscuit won in four lengths, a track record of one minute, fifty-six point six-seconds.

If you have ever watched the actual race, or the movie made from the book, you know it was stunning. In Ms. Hillenbrand’s book the race proceeds over several pages, taking more than one minute, fifty-six point six-seconds to read. Her ‘telling the story’ as she likes to say, puts you on the track, with the horse, with the rider. It is what makes her writing so amazing.

I have two stories. It doesn’t really matter how many words are involved. Time is an essential part of both my stories.  In the picture book I have about three hundred words to describe one whole week in the life of this child. And, of course, what he does with it that will be of interest to a child reading the story.

In the middle grade, I have, well, a lot more words to describe just the main character’s father’s arrest for murder, which is the catalyst for how the story moves forward, making her story exciting, believable and yet come to a satisfying ending.

Sigh. I doubt I would ever spend forty minutes making eggs a’la Nero Wolf. And  I doubt that chef at the Waldorf took forty minutes.

Real time is elusive. It is a commodity and it is a constant.

But when I write, what is it?   Do I care about it? Do I use it well? Do I make every second feel real?  Or is it a way to simply keep the pace of the story?

We had scrambled eggs for breakfast. And I realized another way to add dimension to my writing. It does take time to make really good scrambled eggs, and it does take  time to make every second of the story count.

ONE WORD

I don’t commit to resolutions. I’m lousy at it. When I try for something easy…well it’s just too easy. When it’s something hard, I can talk my way out of it by the end of January. Like Lent, resolutions are a promise; a promise to either to ‘give up’ or, do something good…[in my day, it was give up–usually candy], and by God, if you couldn’t sacrifice or be kind for forty days your soul was in deep sneakers. Forty days versus three HUNDRED and sixty five! Yeah, Lent was doable.

I’ve tried to think of New Year’s resolutions as a promise to me. But that didn’t really work. The one person to whom I can rationalize just about any personal behavior is myself. Try it on my mom, or my sister, sheeze, no way. But me? I’m a sucker for believing my own arguments.

When I got my first apartment in Santa Monica I thought that the perfect Art above the fireplace would be a beautifully framed white board where I could write a quote that meant something to me that day, week, or month. Something that would add to my self knowledge.  And there were several. And I have my favorites.

Hammarskjöld’s ‘Never, for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience or convictions.’

Or Euripides, ‘Enough is abundance to the wise.’

Or, Solon, ‘Call no man happy until he is dead.’

About fifteen or or so years ago, the eldest suggested that a focus on a word, just one word. That word would be front and center of your whole being for the entire year. And the idea has stayed with me since then.

There is one word is so huge to me, so full of everything that is good and great that I would have it on my white board all year. Hope.

Hope for a peaceful nation. Hope for an end to violence both here and overseas. Hope for Christmas blessings on everyone I know and love throughout the year.  Hope to those who are distraught or dealing with the distraught. Hope to remain purposeful. Hope for grace in the day to day.  Hope to not lose hope.

As life has become more complicated, more frightful and more uncertain I Hope for a peaceful soul.

 

 

In Praise of A Niece

Our niece came to visit this weekend. She was the first! My first niece, the first grandchild….And, there was a brief time, back when she was very small and I was much younger and unmarried, when she almost lived in my back pocket.  We would take rides in my TR Spitfire, top down, her little rear belted into the bucket seat, until she decided she had something to tell me. The she would climb out of the seatbelt and stand on the gear shift–didn’t matter if we were on a neighborhood street, PCH, the Santa Monica Freeway—she would reach out with her little hands, grab each side of my face and say, “This is important.”

I would, literally, have done anything for this child.

Then I moved east and we saw each other sporadically. There was always a connection. She’s a lot like me–but smarter, braver, more clever, definitely more pretty.  Her politics are a galaxy away from mine, but we just don’t go there.

And I would still, actually, do anything for this child.

We were all excited when my sister announced her pregnancy. My parents were thrilled to be called grandmommy and granddaddy. Me? I did not want to be called Aunt. <shudder>  First of all if you say it way it sounds you sound like a snob, or Franklin Delano Roosevelt. If you forget the ‘u’ you are being grouped with an eighteen legged creature of microscopic proprortions.

Growing up I recognized there was a big difference between family and relations. I barely knew the maternal side of the family as they were still very east coast and only came west once in the mid-fifties. And the family, Dad’s side,  we had in LA were more of the ‘relatons’ variety who we saw on holidays, weddings, baptisms, funerals. They were always well dressed, and formidable.

I just wanted this kid to call me by my name.I did not want to be an authority figure.

And she did. Call me by my name. Since becoming an adult she has added  ‘Auntie.’ I’m okay with that, most of the time. I visualize Roslind Russell, as Auntie Mame and her panache, without the cigarette holder– Yeah, I can live with that!

We spent this weekend reviewing photos, old photos, some I’ve never seen. I never knew my dad sailed—so pictures of him with my mom’s brothers on a little sailing skiff in Chesapeake Bay was amazing.  My parents wedding in 1942. And then there were the multitude of pictures of my sister and I in matching outfits for just about everything from Christmas to Easter to some German picnic we apparently attended….

The headline picture is my sister and I  at Natural Bridge Virginia on our way west in 1948. I’m on the right.

There is something remarkable about photos. First off you have to remember if you remember the picture or the event. Then you need to remember the story and that may lead to another story.

There is a Lois Lowry book, THE SILENT BOY, which speaks to the power of photos.  Apparently coming upon a pile of old photos Ms. Lowry took some and weaved this story together, the photos sprinkled throughout. She could not have done this with a video.

Today it’s all video. And, I respect video, they offer so much. We witness expressions, hear voices, see movement.

I am in the process of passing the family archivist/historian torch to my niece. And I am most grateful!  Sigh. Who knows who will pick it up next. I’ve done the National Archives, have multiple census reports off microfiche. I’ve been to Dublin Castle  in 1976 when it held all the Irish archives. I have parish records.  I have pictures of the original home, farm in Ballisekeery, Co Mayo. We are doing the geneology sites. I have stories. I know names, which is all good.

But the photos! In a photo you see a splitsecond in time! A  photo is a moment, a caught memory that was important to someone and can be held in your hand.  Wow. Just Wow!

Same for my niece. Wow! Just Wow!

 

 

WITNESS

No, not the movie, although it was good.

I recently completed a deposition for a lawsuit.  The attorney we are working with said, “Just witness.  Don’t defend or explain.”  Ah,  sort of like Queen Elizabeth II.  A very middle of the road keeping type of advice. Offend no one.

The idea is that witnessing is  not defending or explaining…but it is!

Instead of witness maybe  we use the word observe? Maybe notice? Or, pay attention? All good words but they are  passive. You sit back and observe. You notice and maybe forget. You pay attention but what do you do with that knowledge.

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EARNED

We didn’t get allowances.  My mom was not a fan. We were offered rewards for jobs well done.  Get an A in spelling–sigh, always a long shot for me. Or help a neighbor.  The point was we had to earn the reward. The rewards were rarely cash. It was more like a trip to the doll show in LA. Or maybe ice cream at CC Browns near Grauman’s Chinese Theater on Hollywood Blvd. Now they did ice cream…I remember their peach melba…sigh, I digress…

After college when I earned dollars but lived at home, dad collected $25. per month. He said it was for my room and board. Later I found out he had started a brokerage account for me and was investing it.  Nice dad! Let me take a trip to Europe for 6 months…very nice dad!

Earning was always a part of success.  I earned a high school diploma that let me earn a college degree and had better jobs available to me than if I didn’t have one.

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